oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
