8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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