youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
