Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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