Fuck appropriateness.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
