Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
