dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
