we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
