The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
