I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
