the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize