I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
