Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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