Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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