I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize