Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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