Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
