We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
