my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
