I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
