Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just gargled with NyQuil
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
