I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Vodka?
Forever.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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