she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize