So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize