I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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