ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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