According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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