You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
