I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
