Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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