About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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