I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
