I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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