jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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