Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
