I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
