OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
