He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
