In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
