My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
