I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize