This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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