I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize