Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
