Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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