Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize