Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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