I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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