Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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