That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
