The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
