So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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