The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
