i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
