Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
