could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
