I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
