New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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