I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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