i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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