I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
