"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
