It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
