i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
it was like eating out sand paper
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
