The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
