doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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