I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
