So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize