Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
