This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
