How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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