Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
