last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
