Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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