allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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